Slightly more guys but nothing to worry about

New Straits Times
06-26-2011
Slightly more guys but nothing to worry about
Edition: New Sunday Times
Section: Main Section
Column: Sunday spotlight

THE fairer sex is not only physically weaker, but also getting fewer in number. Statistics recently reveal that men outnumber women in all but four states in the country. It also shows that in some states, this number is greatly contributed by the arrival of foreign workers. While some worry that the unbalanced gender ratio might create a 'marriage squeeze', others believe it's not a big problem.

DATING agency Lunch Actually director Violet Lim believes that sex ratio issues are not unique in Malaysia.
"The gender ratio is truly lopsided, I don't think this is just a local concern. In most parts of the world, especially in countries such as China, there are also more men than women. I'm sure they're facing a similar situation.

"We're also noticing a great demand for match-making services in Penang. Most of our clients are women. I suppose this is because it's more difficult for a woman to find a partner after a certain age.

"Men, however, prefer to marry someone who is either of the same age or younger; so it's not so much of a problem for them."

But the co-owner of a dating agency in Seremban, Patricia Lee, says people should not be alarmed by the male to female ratio in certain parts of the country.

"I don't see this as a big issue, after all, there are all sorts of ways to meet your future husband or wife.

"Marriage squeeze may have been a problem in the past, but with the Internet and other social networking options, people should not fear the possibility of living alone simply because there are more men than women where they live.

"I meet a lot of people who seek my services because they want to find the perfect partner, not because there are not enough men or women out there. People are also more choosy these days because their expectations are higher."

Lee says instead of focusing on numbers and statistics, people should think outside the box.

"Those who are seriously hoping to settle down should look for ways to widen their search. Besides using match-making services, there are online dating agencies as well. With everything so accessible, it's easy to find a partner wherever you are."

People should not rush into marriage because they don't want to "miss the boat".

A marriage squeeze is by no means a reason to tie the knot, Lee says.

Registered and licensed counsellor Cheang Meng Wai believes an implication of a marriage squeeze is that there'll be pressure for local men to look for a suitable life partner.

"Men may need to look elsewhere, for example, in neighbouring states like Terengganu, Johor, Perak or Selangor. More men may also want to go to other states or cities to work.

"This may be positive, too, as they may earn more and have better lifestyles. They may want to get married elsewhere first and then return to Pahang many years later.

"This may help increase the female population in the state, eventually. I believe women should be submissive in following the wishes of their spouses if their husbands want to return to their hometown or state.

"I don't think we should be overly alarmed by the 113 to 100 gender ratio in Pahang. This is an age when people travel extensively for work and have bigger social networks.

"Therefore, men and women need to just build healthy friendships with the opposite gender," he says.

Marrying foreigners may pose problems

INTERNATIONAL Psychology Centre principal consultant psychologist Dr Edward Chan says mixed marriages will definitely represent more conflict for couples.

"There's bound to be more conflict and misunderstanding in such marriages because there will be differences in expectations, opinions, perceptions and cultural values."

He was commenting on a statement by the director-general of the National Population and Family Development Board, Datuk Aminah Abdul Rahman, who warned that with 7.5 per cent of Pahang's 1.4 million population being male foreign workers, they could end up as rivals to local men for women's affection.

She was quoted as saying that many foreigners, after staying for a period of time, would start families by marrying local women, and one of the social implications in the long run was a change in the family institution.

Chan says that the sex-ratio issue can also push people to either get married too early or too late.

"When you rush into a marriage, you won't have time to look into each other's differences. You also won't have the time to study, address and resolve issues. Unfortunately, many people rush into marriages believing that love will see them through.

"But it doesn't work that way. Only when problems arise will couples start arguing. This will eventually cause them to regret their decision to get married. Any positive feelings of love will disappear."

Relevant parties should look into providing proper counseling and premarital marriage courses for foreigners and locals who can't afford private counseling.

(Copyright 2011)
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